You Can Get Medical Marijuana For Your Itchy Butt?

Look, I’m not burying the lead here – it’s right in the post title…

Sarah Palermo from the Concord Monitor brought my attention to the medical marijuana developments here in New Hampshire.   I am totally out of the loop as, believe it or not, I have actually never smoked pot. Ever.   That is not sarcasm.   Now, I know that you’re trying to figure out if I’m actually using multi-level advanced sarc-fu here, but I’m not.

Anyway, the website for the “New Hampshire Medical Marijuana Evaluation Center” provides plenty of fodder for a short blog post.   Their “qualifying conditions” page is a true gem, starting with the advice: “If you think you might qualify, you probably do qualify.”  If their list of maladies is remotely accurate, they are most certainly correct.   I could spend all day going through this list, but I’ve just scanned it quickly and here are some of my favorites:

Acne, anal itching, ambiguous genitalia, bed wetting, bedbugs, cellulite, dandruff, delayed ejaculation, diarrhea, early puberty, earwax blockage, flatulence, gonorrhea (on the list twice, for emphasis?), hangovers, hiccups, hoarding, ice cream headaches, ingrown hair, jock itch, knee pain, lactose intolerance, restless legs syndrome

And if you guessed that my “favorites” list is also my “personal qualifications” list, well – noooooo – that’s just a complete coincidence that those two lists have at least 90% overlap…

Please do leave your favorites in the comments

I think that companies like this do a massive disservice to those who actually “need” medicinal marijuana for real medical conditions and pain.   And yes, I put “need” in quotes there just for robustness, and to avoid taking sides in that entire debate.

NH Medical Marijuana Evaluation Center List of Qualifying Conditions

EDIT:  the actual rules for qualifying for medical marijuana in NH are significantly more restrictive:

NH_med_marijuana

Judging by that text, I don’t know how anal itching (or the rest of my favorites list) qualifies…

-KD