Thanksgiving Macro Trade Ideas (and Recipes)

I have never given investment advice on this blog…. UNTIL NOW!   Read this post, ponder the macro concepts within, and follow the recipes.   Satisfaction is Gayyyy-ron-teed.   Without further ado:

Theme 1:  Pairs trade:  short turkey, long chicken

You still eat turkey on Thanksgiving?   Fuggedaboutit.   You are a tool of The Man – a sheeple – doing exactly what you’ve been programmed to do by the liberal media conspiracy.  Haven’t you noticed that turkey sucks?  Do you eat turkey any other time of year?  No – do you know why?  Because it sucks – that’s why you eat chicken during the rest of the year.   So fight the power and go with the big-reward contrarian trade this Thanksgiving:  swap out of turkey and into chicken.   You can, of course, roast your whole chicken in the oven just like your turkey, only it’s much easier to cook without ruining it.   I recommend Kid Dynamite’s special rub of olive oil, sugar, maple syrup, diced garlic and powdered basil & oregano.   Spread it under the skin of the breasts, and all over the bird, and enjoy.

Theme 2:  another pairs trade:  short pumpkin pie, long pecan pie

I worry that this may be a crowded trade, unlike the contrarian idea in Theme 1, but I’m recommending it anyway.   Again, this one is obvious:  pumpkin pie is a joke – proof that the CIA has brainwashed you into eating crap, and that Washington is beholden to the Big Pumpkin lobby.   Pecan pie, on the other hand, features multiple forms of sugar (liquid, solid, etc) and is the stone cold nuts.    You can try to fight the tape and go against this trade, but you’ll be wrong and you’ll pay the price in the long run.

Theme 3: Long Grandma’s Cranberry Sauce

I’m hearing from some of my best sources in London that this is the recipe that David Einhorn serves at his Thanksgiving table, and there’ s a rumor that Carl Icahn is about to go activist on this one as well.   It’s actually my own grandmother’s recipe, and it’s required that when you eat it you pause and say “We all wish Grandma was still here with us.”   Are you ready for this absurdly simple construction that will blow your mind?

1) take a can of whole cranberries (“whole berry cranberry sauce”) – not the jellified crap.  open the can. dump it in a bowl

2) take a can of crushed pineapples.  Open the can.  Dump it in the bowl with the cranberries

3) stir, serve with a slotted spoon in case there’s too much liquid

4) eat it and say “holy crap – this is the best cranberry sauce ever.”

That’s it. It’s that easy.   This is my number one trade idea this holiday season.  I have no qualms recommending it to everyone and anyone, regardless of age or risk tolerance.

Theme 4: Short green beans almondine

self explanatory.  However, you need to be careful, as I’m frequently seeing another item on the Thanksgiving table which is green beans mixed with some sort of onion soup mix, and it’s delicious.   This one is kinda like making sure you’re trading with the right broker:   your fly by night FX shop is green beans almondine.  AVOID.   There are plenty of adequate green bean options you can choose and not regret, though.

Theme 5: Stuffing – the coup de grace

I’m giving all of my Palladium Subcribers this recipe as a free bonus:

1) toast a loaf of white bread

2) crumble the bread into a big bowl with your fingers, adding water until it looks like you have something that you could patch holes in your drywall with.

3) take 1lb of sausage links (hot works great, sweet is ok if you’re scared).  Slice them down the middle, then crosswise into little pieces.  Brown them aggressively.  Add them to the bowl with the bread

4) in the sausage drippings, sautee a diced onion and 5 diced celery stalks.   Add them to the bowl with the bread and the sausage, mix well, season with salt, pepper, and poultry seasoning.

5) heat your oven to 350, put the sausage-bread mortar into a glass dish and bake until it crisps up a bit.  This will vary depending on how much water you used, but it will probably take about 30 minutes.  If it needs more time, give it more time.  You can’t really overcook it unless you forget about it while you watch football

6) Eat it.   Warning: this is a stick-to-your-guts kind of stuffing.   A little of Grandma’s Cranberry Sauce thrown on top of it on your plate results in serious synergies and is also recommended.

 

There you have it – 5 freebie slam dunk trades for this Thanksgiving season.  There are no disclaimers – you will not regret these.  Past performance is an indication of future results.

 

-KD