Where I Try To Find A Wild Moose Orgy

Last night we heard a new sound in our normally quiet wilderness world:  Mrs. Dynamite described it as “bulls screaming.”  I went outside and there was a constant howl of cows bleating, which is unusual, although some of our neighbors have cows.  I wondered if perhaps one of the cows had gotten stuck in a fence or something, but the cow-owning neighbors were home, so I didn’t worry about it.

This morning, when I took the dogs out, the “screaming” was still going on.  This afternoon Mrs. Dynamite went to run some errands where she ran into a neighbor who gave her this inside info:  Mrs. Dynamite excitedly called me and said “I know what that cow noise is – I just bumped into Callie and she told me that it’s moose mating!”

me: “No f’n way.  It’s cows, baby. Mad cows.”

her: “Callie knows what moose rutting sounds like – she told me they were right by the back of her field last night.”

me: “Callie is wrong.   Look – I know I’m a city slicker, but those are cows.  Moose wouldn’t be having a 24 hour highly vocal mating session.”

her: “That’s what she told me – she knows better than we do.”

me: “Ok, I’ll go investigate – if there’s moose mating going on, I want to see it.”

Now it’s no secret that I’m still a city boy at heart.  Having laying hens, a chainsaw, and your own small maple syrup operation does not make one “country.”  However, I was pretty confident that the noises we were hearing were not a massive moose orgy, and were instead angry cows.   Still, seeing as how I live in the middle of nowhere and I’ve never seen something as exciting as moose (or bear, or really anything much bigger than a squirrel*), I jumped at the chance, as these “moose” were still bleating mid-day today.  It’s a beautiful day out, so I decided to do some investigative journalism.

I even grabbed my camera – ya know, just in case there actually was a moose orgy going on.   “My readers will love this,” I thought, feeling like wildlife paparazzi.   Look, I’m not gonna lie – if I turned the corner and bumped into this:

 

Photo courtesy of Dan Kehlenbach of Dan Kehlenbach Photography

I would have been flat out ecstatic.  If you think that makes me weird, so be it…

I walked around the corner to the neighbor who has the most cows.   I bumped into his father – who lives next door to him –  in the street, and he informed me that Steve had separated some young’ins from their mothers, weaning them.

“So, it’s not a moose orgy?”  I inquired.

Now, you have to understand – this particular neighbor, Paul, is the most “country” of all my neighbors.   He’s as close to a real farmer as we have in my direct neighborhood.  He’s old school country.

He turned off the engine of his Kubota tractor and looked at me.

“My wife said that someone told her it was moose mating season,”  I explained.

“Nope, just cows.”  He replied, and then we talked about how the warm weather was threatening to put an early end to maple season.

I didn’t tell him that I had my camera in my pocket and was eagerly hoping to capture some moose sex.

We finished talking Country Stuff, said goodbye, and I meandered back home, moose-sex-less.

Another day in the life..

-KD

* I have seen skunks, possum, and fox

note: names have been changed.  The rest is real.

ps – I asked my Graphics Department, also known as @BonesNYC for some pics for “A post about moose sex” and he came back with these:

practice, practice, practice

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