Twas The Night Before Herbalife – An Original
- Posted by kid dynamite
- on January 9th, 2013
Twas the night before Herbalife (‘s analyst day), and all though the lair,
not a creature was comfortable – not a bull, nor a bear.
Positions were taken, options spreads booked with glee,
The day’s action was ludicrous, risk-avoiders did flee.
Hedgies had worked to position exposures,
Praying regardless, that at least we’d have closure.
I need a borrow – can’t get one? Oh Crap, Man!
When out on the interwebs, arose such a clatter –
What’s this? SEC investigation? Why? What’s the matter?
Sell orders flooded in, overwhelming the buyers,
But the bulls returned quickly to take a flyer.
Then, again the stock plunged, and just as quickly rebounded,
Surely it looked like the shorts would be hounded?
By their brokers to recall the stock that’d been lent,
So out of shape, portfolios didn’t get bent.
Volatility buyers were clinging to prayer,
that whatever was said would ignite the air.
Sellers of vol, though, were singing the tunes
Of “buy on the rumor, and sell on the news.”
And just when we thought that the saga’d been written –
Wait, who’s this guy, he seems smart – I’m smitten:
Never forgotten, after causing a stir,
It was DAVID EINHORN! returning, dashing in with a blur!
Word quickly spread, that Einhorn had arrived,
Stock was halted, limit down – how would longs survive?
Einhorn stepped to the mic, hush covered the room,
awaiting what sure would be Herbalife doom.
The young brown-eyed assassin cleared his throat and then spoke,
Herbalife’s lawyers passed out, then awoke.
“Gentlemen, I just want to say: what a journey,
It’s occasionally looked like you might need a gurney.”
“But despite all the guessing about my position,
I have none – no interest – not even a smidgen.
I wish you all luck, all my hedge fund pals too,
Though one of you’s gonna see PnL poo.
“This seems like as good as a time there will be,
to remind everyone listening: don’t listen to me!
DO YOUR OWN WORK – investigate, don’t follow,
and you won’t get stuck in a thesis that’s hollow”
And with that, Einhorn dropped the mic and reversed,
Leaving the theater, his exit rehearsed.
Analysts immediately went to their phones,
“EINHORN’S NOT INVOLVED – WHAT TO DO? WE’RE ALONE!”
A murmur spread quickly, through the rows of seats,
Identifying a Pyramid was no easy feat.
Would the FTC step in, put a stop to the sales?
Or would business continue – an MLM whale?
At the end of the day, there was little more clarity,
No clue how much Ackman would be giving to charity.
The FTC’s grey areas made it all murky,
The stock, it seems certain, will be hurky-jerkey.
So is it or isn’t it – an illegal scheme?
The Greatest Pyramid that the world’s ever seen?
And what is the mix of recruiting vs. retail?
Sales to end users – other such details?
Will the Government act, on behalf of distributors
Or will they move on to more evil contributors?
One thing is certain, this much is known:
We’ll be eagerly waiting for the next Ira Sohn.
Kid Dynamite is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. If you click on my Amazon.com links and buy anything, even something other than the product advertised, I earn a small commission, yet you don't pay any extra. Thank you for your support.
The information in this blog post represents my own opinions and does not contain a recommendation for any particular security or investment. I or my affiliates may hold positions or other interests in securities mentioned in the Blog, please see my Disclaimer page for my full disclaimer.
This blog has morphed from a discussion of poker hands and theory into an evaluation of financial markets from the point of view of a former trader. More »
If you'd like to make a donation, I always appreciate it:
I'm also a member of the Amazon.com Affiliate program.
- Healthcare is F*cked, Part 416 – Public Service Announcement
- WYNN Earnings Call Tidbits: Q2 2015
- Gold Miners Are Cheap. (?)
- What If Every Amazon Package Was An Advertising Opportunity?
- Do You Hedge Your Home Heating Oil Exposure?
- Where Bloomberg Discovers That Large Orders Have Market Impact
- Massive Health Insurance Premium Hikes Coming. Again.
- Smoker Chronicles: St Louis Ribs and Bacon Wrapped Chicken Thighs
- Fun With Canadian Retail Precious Metals Merger Arbitrage
- August 2015
- July 2015
- June 2015
- May 2015
- April 2015
- March 2015
- February 2015
- January 2015
- December 2014
- November 2014
- October 2014
- September 2014
- August 2014
- July 2014
- June 2014
- May 2014
- April 2014
- March 2014
- February 2014
- January 2014
- December 2013
- November 2013
- October 2013
- September 2013
- August 2013
- July 2013
- June 2013
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- August 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
- March 2007
- February 2007
- January 2007
- December 2006
- November 2006
- October 2006
- September 2006
- August 2006
- July 2006
- June 2006
- May 2006
- April 2006
- March 2006
- February 2006
- January 2006
- December 2005
- November 2005
- October 2005
- September 2005