This Is What Happens When You Try To Joke With A Waiter

So I’m out at a bar last night with members of my over-30 indoor soccer team after our game.   We’re having a few beers, and I order buffalo chicken fingers, my go-to pub food.   In short order, I devoured the chicken, the carrot sticks, and even the blue cheese dressing, leaving only an empty plastic basket with a wax paper liner sheet in it, and an empty cup that formerly held said blue cheese dressing.

The waiter comes over and asks “How was everything?”  As he takes the empty plates.   Now, being a charming, funny guy (no, seriously!), I have two standard responses to this question when I’ve devoured my meal and rocked the Clean Plate Club.   Sometimes I make a joke about how bad it was and how I want to send it back (the empty plate, get it?  I know – I’m a regular laugh riot).  This time, however, I went with my other fallback:

“Can I get that to go?”  I joked, pointing to the empty tray, hinting that there was NOTHING left to take to go because I’d enjoyed it and eaten all of it.    The waiter kinda chuckled, and I thought he got the joke.

Fifteen minutes later, he returns and hands me a styrofoam to-go container.   At first I was confused, but then I realized he was just taking it to the next level – handing me an empty take-out container!   Well played, Sir!

But wait – there’s a problem – I realize quickly, as I take the container from him.   It’s most definitely not empty.  I quickly pop it open and wanted to do a mega-FACEPALM right there.   The waiter quickly realized I was flummoxed, and asked “Is that not what you wanted?  Another order to go?”

“Ummm. No. It’s ok.  I will eat it tomorrow. Don’t worry about it.”

“That’s not what you wanted?”  He was confused.

At this point, my teammate actually did do a FACEPALM, and I just laughed and explained to the waiter that I was making a joke about the empty plate.   I didn’t tell him that of the hundred or so times I’ve made this joke, he was the first idiot who actually brought me a second order to go.


so anyway, I’m having buffalo chicken tenders for lunch…



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