The Most Exciting 8 Seconds of My Night

Sorry to disappoint my readers who were hoping this was a post about premature ejaculation.   It’s not.

This also isn’t a post about bull-riding, where you succeed after 8 seconds: it’s about evicting an about-to-puke dog from the bed, where you fail after 8 seconds.

Last night at 3:30am, my 7th sense somehow alerted me to the fact that foster dog Nikko, who sleeps on a pillow in between my pillow and Mrs. Dynamite’s pillow, was about to puke.   For those who don’t know, if you’re paying attention to your dog, you have about an 8 second warning from the time he starts to show signs of puking until the puke hits the ground/rug/bed wherever he is.

So it’s 3:30am, I’m in a deep sleep, but I sense a disturbance in The Force.  I wake up, say “uh-oh” out loud, and roll right to turn on my bedside lamp.  Mrs. Dynamite, like a top tier Jedi, reaches to the left to turn on her light then rolls right to grab Nikko with two hands and then rolls back left to deposit him safely on the floor just as he barfs – harmlessly onto the wood floor.

I was in awe of my wife’s ninja-esque deep sleep dog-puke natural reactions.   It was as natural as Jose Canseco’s swing – as if she’d practiced it fore 10,000 hours, Outliers style.

I grabbed some Fantastik from the bathroom closet, wiped up the little pile of puke – it seems as though eating a small stick that afternoon may have been the root cause – and we all got back in bed.

obligatory picture of Nikko:



related:  The Pete Rose Slide and Dogs Puking in Bed

also related:  my Jose Canseco Vegas Story




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