Sex Robots, WalMart, and 420 Day

Only 420 day could produce a Yahoo Trends list like this:

thanks to reader "Jimmer" for the heads up

 

Which brings me to the sex robots.  Isn’t “sex robots” a bit of an exaggeration?  Come on…  If this is really going to be the “future of sex tourism” they’ve probably got a long way to go.   Then again, I have to admit that I am not really up to date on the current trends in sex tourism, so maybe I’m off base here and people really will be dying to get down with these ridiculous robots.  I personally find them about as sexy as the Love Ewe (shout out to my fraternity brothers!)

Here’s the video from the HuffPo Sex Robots article:

Finally: WalMart.   I went to WalMart in Concord today for maybe the 2nd time.  It was probably the 4th time in my entire life that I’ve been inside a WalMart – we didn’t really have them in the North East when I was growing up.   You never forget your first time, and my first time visiting WalMart was down near Panama City Beach on a college spring break trip.

Anyway, my visit to WalMart today was an utter nightmare.  Imagine walking into a store the size of an airport looking for some obscure item (face paint – don’t ask) amongst the 500MM square feet of floor space.  Amazingly, they have approximately ZERO people walking the floor to help the uninitiated navigate this hellscape of retail bacchanalia.

So I wandered around, steaming into a higher and higher state of bajungi tilt, until I found a guy to help me in the sporting goods section.  He took me right to the eye black.  No, douchebag, if I wanted eye black I would have asked you for eye black. I want face paint.   “Like maybe CAMO, for hunting?”  I suggested.  He took me to that aisle where he knew that “it comes in a square package.”

We stared at the wall of turkey hunting products together until I started to get dizzy.  He called over another guy.  The three of us stared.  Finally I said “thank you” and walked off.  I found another WalMart associate who took me to the kids section where I found a plethora of face paint options.  I grabbed one of them – the face paint pens – and went to check out.

There was an endless sea of registers – literally 30 of them – but 3/4 were closed.  I popped down the row of registers like a chicken looking for an empty nesting box to lay an egg in – and had to hop out of each line that I poked my head in, as they were all full of gorged shoppers who looked like they were doing their semi-annual store run.   Heaping carts full of crap.

Finally, nearing the end of the line of registers, I took my single item and settled in behind a woman lugging a giant cart and two kids.  She let me jump in front of her, I thanked her profusely,  and I was checked out before she had even finished putting her goods on the sliding belt.

On the way out I noticed that WalMart has a nail salon inside of it.  And a Subway store.  And a mobile phone store.  And a pharmacy.  And a vision store.  And AN ENTIRE SUPERMARKET.   Yowza.   Retail hell.

I will not be going back anytime soon.  Amazon.com 4 Life, Bitchez!!

-KD

no positions in $WMT, $AMZN

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