RIP Kardashian Kard. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY????

I know most of my readers aren’t cool enough to have a Kardashian card – I found out from the article above that I’m in an elite group of only 250 fucktards – sorry – “customers” – who bought the card.  Yes – BOUGHT the card.  The fees work like this:
“A 12-month Kardashian Kard cost $99.95 just to own, including a card purchase fee of $9.95 and 12 monthly fees of $7.95. After the first year, consumers would have to continue to pay the $7.95 monthly fee.

On top of these initial fees, it cost Kardashian Kard users $1 every time they added money to their card, and it cost $1.50 to speak with a live operator. If they wanted to pay their bills automatically using the card, they were charged $2 per transaction.”
For some reason, that meddlesome Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal feels like he needs to interfere with my glorious personal finances, saying: 
“”Among the prepaid debit cards now on the market, the Kardashian Kard is particularly troubling because of its high fees combined with its appeal to financially unsophisticated young adult Kardashian fans,” he wrote. “Keeping up with the Kardashians is impossible using these cards.””
Suck it Blumenthal!  I was keeping up with Kim, Khloe and whatever the other one’s name is (oh yeah, Kourtney’h or something – the “apostrophe h” is silent) every day, staring at their glorious, glamorous card.  Don’t be a hater just cuz you ain’t Kool ’nuff to roll with the K-Krew.
“Pernicious and predatory fees”  Blumenthal?  Really?  You have to spend money to be with the “In” crowd.  You wouldn’t know Kool if it peed on your rug.  The Kardashian Kard made me Kool (I’m sure the Sisters would have trademarked “Kool” if the cigarette brand hadn’t beaten them to it by 30+ years). 
I do need to step back for a minute and pick out one delicious quote from the article, which I would have laid 5-1 odds was from The Onion if you gave it to me in a blind taste test:
“”The Kardashians have worked extremely long and hard to create a positive public persona that appeals to everyone, particularly young adults,” the family’s attorney wrote in the letter. “They have been successful in doing so because they are recognized as honest, ethical, and fun-loving individuals who are kind and caring to others.””
Dear Kardashian Family – let’s be serious here – that’s what you’re going with?  Honest, ethical, fun-loving individuals?  As The Soup’s Joel McHale used to always describe Kim Kardashian, “She’s famous for having a big ass and a sex tape.”  Fun loving indeed, at least.  A true role model for young adults.
Fortunately, I’ll still be able to do my holiday shopping on using my Kendra Kard.
disclaimers:  1) This was satire – I didn’t have a Kardashian Kard, but only because I didn’t know about it.  2) As far as I know, there’s no such thing as a Kendra Kard – but there should be, and probably will be before long.

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