My Chickens’ Future’s So Bright, They Gotta Wear Shades

With apologies to Timbuk3 for the post title, we’ve entered a new stage of Country Crazy:  sunglasses on our chickens.   But wait, let me explain – it’s for their own good.

You’ve heard the term “pecking order” before, right?  We’ll, it’s not just an expression – this shit really happens in the chicken hierarchy:  they peck the crap out of each other – based on their position of dominance in the pecking order – until their butts bleed.   So finally, after almost all of our hens had their soft downy butt feathers deforested by the Queen B, and then several others had their brisk tail-feathers pecked out, Mrs. Dynamite took control and ordered “pinless peepers.”   These are, essentially, sunglasses for chickens that block their straight-ahead view, preventing them from pecking each other – or at least giving the peck-eee a fighting chance to get away from the peck-er, whose vision is now obstructed.

So I was down at JazzFest when Mrs. Dynamite and her sister engaged in Operation Chicken Shades.   The pinless peepers snap into the holes in the chickens’ beaks.  They managed to install them on all of our hens.    Then, Mrs. Dynamite and her sister added another remedy:  ass tar.  They put pine tar on the pecked bottoms, as a protective and healing barrier and peck-discourager.

Here’s what our Too Cool For School hens look like:

pinless peepers


just for kicks, while I’m at it, a group shot:




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