Microsoft Announces “Surface:” Another Product That Will Not Compete With Apple’s Superior Products

So Microsoft’s big announcement today was that they are going to make – wait for it – A TABLET!  HOLY COW!  Revolutionary idea.  I guess they didn’t learn from Motorola’s mistakes (see: Xoom), or Samsung’s non-revolutionary Galaxy.   Look, I have no axe to grind here – I owned $MSFT briefly back in 2006/7 at some point, but I have no position in the stock. I just think that Microsoft is the poster child for crappy mega-cap stock performance.   Microsoft is why some people don’t think $AAPL can double from here – because MSFT has basically spent the last decade proving that despite their monstrous monopolistic heft, they are incapable of growing their stock price.

To me, the tablet market is owned – $AAPL owns the premium market (Ipad, duh), $AMZN owns the cheap-skate market (Kindle – disclosure – I own one).  You really think that $MSFT is going to change the game?  Why?  How?

Hellooooo.. Zuuuuune… Anyone?  Is today’s generation of traders so young that they don’t remember the Ipad Killer That Wasn’t – aka – the Microsoft Zune? Maybe you can look it up on Wikipedia.

I sent out a barrage of quick thoughts and weak humor attempts on Twitter tonight.   At one point I Twatted that Microsoft Kinect was a revolutionary, awesome product (although WTF do I know, I don’t have one) that has done precisely nothing for Mister Softee.   Tell me, readers, am I wrong?  Does Kinect suck?  I’ll just assume that Kinect is cool, and that it’s the kind of technological advancement that other companies haven’t already covered (Wii, maybe?).  So tell me:  if Kinect doesn’t help $MSFT’s price, what makes you think that Surface (tablet) will?

Here’s a retelling of the Microsoft Haiku I banged out on Twitter this evening:

Dear Mister Ballmer

No one wants your new tablet

Ipads for ev-rey-one


Hey Mister Softee

A tablet? Really? oh wow

$AAPL must be scared


Poor fund manager

bought Softy over $AAPL

missed 50 bagger


and my last/favorite:


My tech genius says

“The gorilla awakens”

Yes. to take a dump.



In all seriousness, here is the link to $MSFT’s product announcement.  I think The World will give approximately zero shits about the “angles edged at 22 degrees, a natural position for the PC at rest or in active use”  or “The unique VaporMg approach also enables a built-in kickstand that lets you transition Surface from active use to passive consumption – watching a movie or even using the HD front- or rear-facing video cameras. The kickstand is there when needed, and disappears when not in use, with no extra weight or thickness.”

None of that crap matters.  Look – if the “touch cover” fold-down keyboard works and works well, the Surface has a shot.  Otherwise?  Book it a reservation in the Tech Graveyard.  Maybe it’s not too late to share a plot with Zune…


disclosure: no positions in $MSFT, $AMZN, $AAPL

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