Let’s Talk Football – And Peeing On the Sidelines

I watched NFL Red Zone during the early games on Sunday.   I’m normally not a fan of Red Zone – where it’s like you have a house guest with control of the remote control who changes the channel after each and every play,  trying to catch every single relevant play or scoring play all day, but you don’t really give a crap about any of them.  However, the alternative was to watch either 1) Buffalo vs NY Jets or 2) Minnesota vs Atlanta.   Red Zone it was.   I mention this because I was about as in tune with the entire slate of 1pm games as I’ve been all year – even whipping myself into a state of Bajungi tilt when I lost my bet on Tampa Bay (getting 3.5 pts at Tennessee) – at least a 3 sigma affair after TB gave up 13 fourth quarter points.

So anyway, after the early games, I watched the Patriots-Eagles, of course, which wasn’t much fun after the Pats gave Eagles fans a little hope for the first five minutes, then crushed their optimism like grapes in a wine press in the form of an absolutely ruthless scoreboard pounding.   By the time Denver vs SanDiego was the only game still going, I was downstairs cleaning up sawdust from the second new chicken ramp (outdoor, this time) I’d built for the coop.  So I had no idea about the Great Sideline Pee Incident.

It wasn’t until this evening, watching Monday Night Football, that I became aware that San Diego field goal kicker Nick Novak peed on the sideline during the game!  Come on, dear readers, you have to give me a heads up on multi-sigma events like this.  Sideline urination?  Jackpot.   And oh – by the way – the announcers were talking about Novak’s range at the time – it’s not even the kind of thing you could draw up if you were writing a comedy skit:

 

 

And in case the video gets removed, here’s a still shot for you:

Sideline Pee

This has to be the greatest professional athlete Urinary Incident since Manny Ramirez peed inside the Green Monster.  Aside, it would really fulfill me this holiday season if my blog could become a top Google search result for “Nick Novak Sideline Pee.

The other big story of the weekend is Buffalo Bills WR Stevie Johnson’s 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for celebrating a touchdown:  Johnson did a nice little mockup of Jets WR Plaxico Burress shooting himself in the thigh, and followed it up with a crash landing imitation of Jets WR Santonio Holmes’ wingspan TD dance.  I am about the last guy who would ever defend endzone buffoonery that hurts one’s team, but I think Johnson is getting singled out just a bit here: see, the Buffalo kicker proceeded to try a little too hard on the ensuing kickoff, having been backed up the extra 15 yards, and totally topped/whiffed on the ball, resulting in a 10 yard squib kick.   That’s not Johnson’s fault – it was a completely inexcusable error by the kicker, which made Johnson’s completely inexcusable error look all the more asinine.

In any case – I am counting on you, my readers, to keep me abreast of any situations like the Nick Novak sideline pee incident from this past weekend.

-KD

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