Is Anyone Surprised That Fish McBites Suck?

On my way back from New Orleans last week I had time for lunch at BWI airport in Baltimore.   The fast food offerings included the somewhat tempting Quiznos, the not at all tempting McDonalds ($MCD – no positions), and the obviously-what-I-chose Chipotle ($CMG – no positions).   But I noticed something as I walked by the McDonald’s counter – something that made me throw up in my mouth just a little bit… Something that made me wonder if it was April Fool’s Day.

That something was Fish McBites.

Fish Fucking McBites?  Are you kidding me?  As the classic Saturday Night Live skit asks, “Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one?”   Not even cutesy advertising these days can make me want to buy Fish McBites at McDonalds, but let’s go to the ad anyway:


Did you get up and dance?  Did you throw up in your mouth?  Did you just make a disturbed face like you’d make after watching your dog eat his own poop, puke it up, and eat it again?

So this morning I Googled “Fish McBites” and lo and behold – these things are NOT flying off the shelves.

McDonald’s Fish McBites Flounders: New Product Line Doesn’t Hook Consumers (This one is chalk full of fish puns)

McDonald’s Fish McBites Aren’t Hooking Customers

Fish McBites Fail To Spark McDonald’s Sales

Reading those articles, I found out that Fish McBites are the first new Happy Meal rollout in over a decade!  Really, McDonalds?   Lemme give you some free advice:  no one wants to eat fish at McDonalds.  We don’t want Filet-o-fish, we don’t want Fish McBites, and we don’t want McSushi.    Of course, I generally don’t want *anything* at McDonald’s, so maybe I’m biased – maybe I don’t actually speak for The People on this one.   I do, however, have a feeling that if you rolled out a Buffalo Chicken McBite you could lure me into your store.

I guess the only thing left to do here is to revisit this classic South Park Fish Sticks joke:

 

-KD

full disclosure: I have not had Fish McBites, and I will not have Fish McBites

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