Gingrich, Santorum, Romney Try To Appeal To America With Football – Fail

• Posted by kid dynamite
• on January 8th, 2012

At the end of last night’s Republican debate in Manchester NH, the candidates were asked what they’d be doing that night if they weren’t at the debate.   This was their chance to give the viewers a little bit of “human” instead of the politico barrage we’re used to.

Rick Perry started off by saying that he’d be at the shooting range.   People love a good old God-fearing gun-toting president.

Newt Gingrich must have been surprised by Perry’s “cool guy” answer, so Newt responded that he’d be at home watching the National Championship College Basketball game.    You know – the one being played by unicorns and dragons – which is to say, there was no such game.

After a chorus of cricket-esque silence greeted Newt’s reply, someone pushed him: “football.”

“I mean football game,”  Newt quickly corrected himself, to a chorus of laughs at his honest mistake.  The only problem is that there was no National Championship College Football game last night either – that’s Monday night.

Amazingly, that didn’t stop Rick Santorum, who was next, from nodding in agreement, saying that he’d be doing the same thing – with his family, of course – watching the Championship game!

But wait – THERE’S MORE!   Romney, next, pipes in:

“Afraid it’s football, I love it.”

Now, at least Mittens didn’t mention college, or the fantasy championship game – he can always claim that he meant that he was talking about watching the Detroit Lions’ sponge-like defense get absolutely torn to shreds by the New Orleans’ Saints if he wasn’t here arguing with the other douchebags.  It’s pretty clear, though, that Romney was agreeing with the two guys before him.  This is when moderator George Stephanopolous should have piped in “who is playing right now?”  I’d lay 6-1 there’s no way Mittens was coming up with “Detroit vs New Orleans in the NFC Wildcard game.”

Ron Paul said he’d be at home reading an economics textbook – only if his family went to bed, and Jon Huntsman went with “I’d be on the phone with my two boys in the United States Navy, because they’re a constant reminder of what’s great about this nation, and awesome about the emerging generation of this country.”  Round: Huntsman.

In reality, we know what they’d all be doing:

Perry: looking for pictures of Bachmann in a bikini online

Gingrich:  building a spaceship

Santorum:  beating up gays

Romney:  drinking a single malt scotch, smoking a Cuban cigar, and rubbing piles of sequentially numbered $100 bills on his naked chest.

Paul: writing a manifesto

Huntsman:  talking to himself in the mirror, trying to get his facial expressions jusssssst right.

here’s the ABC debate clip:

 

 

-KD

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