Free Rooster Cold Call

Friday night my wife and I went out in the big-time partying city* of Concord, NH to celebrate my birthday with 3 other couples and were up “late,” relatively speaking.

Saturday morning, then, we decided to go back to sleep after feeding and walking Oscar and Griffey at 7:30.

Enter the 9:30 am knock on the door.   We don’t get a lot of unsolicited knocks on the door.   It’s happened a handful of times:  once was a lost old man in the middle of a storm, most are Jehova’s Witnesses, and some are a neighbor stopping by to say hello and offering me an opportunistic chance to go ice fishing or slaughter a cow.

I threw on a pair of jeans and stumbled downstairs, looking like, well, something less than a million bucks.

There was an older guy at my door, his car parked in my driveway, and he was fidgeting a bit.   Oscar and Griffey were barking their furry little faces off, and trying to get out the door to either sic balls or beg the guy for some petting.

I opened the door, and gave him my most polite “what the fuck do you want?” look.

him:”Ummm, hi, I live up the road, over by the main road.”

me: blank stare

him: “There’s been a rooster wandering around down there and no one seems to be claiming it.”

me: blank stare

him: “I stopped at the farm around the corner and they mentioned that you might want another rooster.”

I think the guy was trying to tell me that there was a rooster that was bugging the hell out of him and his neighbors, and he wanted me to have it.  Fortunately, I know the cardinal rule of country living: Never look a gift rooster in the mouth** – or something like that.

I finally replied succinctly: “I don’t have one, and I don’t want one.”  It was true – I don’t have a rooster, which is actually probably better if you’re cold calling people door to door trying to give them a free rooster, because I’m not so sure that roosters get along with each other.  They usually fight with each other, trying to dominate their share of hot chicken tail.

But I wasn’t going to leave this poor guy hanging, I did what any good neighbor would do:  I referred him to another neighbor up the block who does have a rooster, and a dozen hens.  Perhaps she’d want “another” rooster***.

The guy got back in his car and continued on his wild goose rooster chase.

I’m gonna guess that not too many of my readers have been subjected to the patented “Saturday morning free rooster cold call wakeup call” while hungover on the day after their birthday.

Just another day in the life…



* not intended to be a factual statement

** I have no idea what that means

*** not a chance

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