Cash Is King – Credit Card Machines Out of Commission

I went to the grocery store today – Hannafords in Concord – and there was a youngish sales-girl greeting customers on the way in, informing us that the credit card processing machines were down, and that they could only accept cash or check at the moment.  They’d even reimburse ATM fees that you incurred at the in-store ATM.   While some shoppers ran screaming in horror at the thought of not being able to swipe their Discover card, I checked my pocket, found that I had seventy U.S. American Dollars, and perused my grocery list.

There’s an old golf gambling quote, attributed to Lee Trevino, that goes:

“You don’t know what pressure is until you’ve played for $5 a hole with $2 in your pocket”

That’s kinda how I felt as I picked up a few days worth of ingredients.  2 packs of bacon @ $4.99 each.   Ribeye steaks: $13.  Peanut butter cups: $4.99.  Was I gonna make it?    I was kinda adding them up in my head, thinking I had plenty of leeway, but at the register I ended up tallying $66.76 – a close call.

“YES!” I blurted out, much to the surprise of the cashier. I explained that I only had $70.  Then I asked him if he would have accepted a gold coin had I gone over my $70 cash position.

“Umm, cash or check only,”  he looked right through me.

“You don’t understand.  GOLD IS MONEY.  I read it on the internet,”  I felt like arguing.

He just started bagging my groceries.  But I was bluffing anyway:  I didn’t have any gold coins in my pocket – they are all sewed into the lining of my other shorts*.  I did, however, have 1 Chinese Yuan, along with 1 Bahamian Dollar.   This is the stone cold truth – I have these two “souvenir” bills that I carry with me.

“How about Yuan?” I asked him.

“One what?”  He was annoyed

“Not “ONE”.. “YUAN!”  I enunciated.

“Oh – I think he’s working on Friday.   Ken is bagging today.”

I shook my head. “Didn’t you hear that the dollar is dead and that China owns our asses now?  Yuan is the currency of the future, bro’,” I tried to educate the poor sheeple.

He finished bagging my food and looked like he was reaching for either a can of mace or a “call security” secret button.

“Have a nice day,” I shrugged, and hightailed my cart out of there.

Cash is still king – in the form of the U.S. Dollar.


* not intended to be a factual statement

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