Alcohol Enemas? Maybe The Mayans Were Right…

Sorry, folks, I don’t write the news, I just react to it… From CNN.com:

“The University of Tennessee says it has suspended a fraternity chapter indefinitely and may refocus its alcohol education programs after police said a student was hospitalized following a weekend incident involving alcohol enemas.

Twelve Tennessee students were cited with underage drinking and one with disorderly conduct following the incident early Saturday at a Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity chapter house, according to a university spokeswoman.

“Shock would not be an (overstatement),” Tim Rogers, vice chancellor of student life, told reporters Wednesday. “I myself had never heard of what has been alleged.”

Wait… hold up… what exactly has been alleged?

“”Upon extensive questioning, it is believed that members of the fraternity were using rubber tubing inserted into their rectums as a conduit for alcohol as the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the bloodstream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver,” Knoxville Police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said Monday in a statement.”

Holy guacamole.

I have to admit, I’m feeling old again.   I wrote a post just a few hours ago about college partying habits where I made some jokes about the Good Ol’ Days where we used real old school cameras and film and had to wait a week to get our pictures back.   We’ll here’s another insight from The Past – back in my day, kids, we used to ingest our alcohol the old fashioned way: through our mouths.

“Knoxville police said investigators found tubing and materials used to give alcohol enemas at the scene.”

Wait – can’t we cling to the hope that these kids were funneling the alcohol?  Ya know -a good old fashioned beer bong?   That requires tubing too! ???  At this point I have to pause, because I went to Google to try to find a good “funneling” picture but I was dismayed at the suggested auto-fill results:

 

I guess this is “a thing” now?   WTF people!??!!    I was feeling old when I read about the new bar-going habits of college youth – but I wasn’t quite prepared to find out that “funneling” is now, by default, done via the butt.

Never mind the fact that this is 1)  extremely dangerous – as the alcohol goes into your system much more “efficiently,”  it’s also b) F*CKING DISGUSTING and c) evidence that perhaps our striving for improvement and efficiency in everything has gone too far.   Are alcohol enemas the drinking equivalent of High Frequency Trading?

Come on, America – get it together – or were the Mayans right about the coming apocalypse?

related:

College Kids These Days Are A Bunch Of Cheap, Vomitous Whores

Tennessee Fraternity Suspended After Alcohol Enemas

Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Alcohol Poisoning

UT Student “Livid” At Erroneous Alcohol Enema Report

-KD

disclosure:  bearish on humanity after reading this story. I have to admit, the use of the alternate term “butt chugging” actually makes me laugh instinctively, but this story is flat out disturbing.

 

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